A parent writes to Dr. Ray Guarendi, child psychologist: “Dear Dr. Ray, My 15-year old daughter embarrassed herself and me at her birthday party. She acted very ungrateful for her gifts. How can I teach her to be more appreciative for what she has?” Another writes: “Dear Dr. Ray, I’m getting really tired of my 14-year old daughter’s complaining attitude. It’s particularly frustrating because she doesn’t seem to realize how good she has it.”

We may see it obviously in children, but are we also ungrateful? Sometimes I am. I forget just how blessed I am. Adults and even priests can be ungrateful too. Some possible signs of ingratitude are complaining, resentment, frustration, self-pity, and disappointment. And notice that complaining doesn’t lead to a lot of action: we, for example, complain about traffic, the economy, food prices, problems at work, difficulties with family, desire for additional material possessions, ill-health. But we don’t do anything about it.

Today’s psalm says: “What shall I return to the Lord for all his bounty to me?” This sentence struck me hard last night: I’ve been given so much; my life isn’t perfect, and I have my sufferings, but I’m so blessed!

I don’t deserve to be a priest, a spiritual father, to be able to help so many people, to be loved by so many people, to be able to give the sacraments, to be at Assumption; I don’t deserve to have the gift of faith, love for God; to have my parents, my brothers, my family, all of you; physical health, good food; my talents; to have my life revolve around God. “What shall I return to the Lord for all his bounty to me?”

My mom always used to tell me: we don’t deserve anything, everything’s a gift. St. Therese of Lisieux also said, “Everything is grace.”

Things could be otherwise, you know. Who do you think is more grateful for good health: healthy people or people who survived cancer? Who’s more grateful for freedom: Catholics in Canada, or Catholics who leave a communist country? Who’s more grateful for peace: us or veterans who fought in wars? Who’s more grateful for money: the poor or the comfortable? The truth is we don’t, for example, appreciate health until it’s gone.

Dr. Ray suggests a solution for the mother whose daughter is ungrateful: “Give her less!” Because there’s a “direct relationship between what they have and how grateful they are for it. Put simply: the more they get, the less they appreciate it … Through learning that life is not a candy store…you’re daughter will learn that receiving is a privilege, not a right … Children don’t feel appreciation or gratitude naturally. They learn it by slowing coming to understand that what they receive is not an entitlement. And when they act as if it is, we must act to show them it is not. How? By giving them less than they want, and by expecting them to act with gracious appreciation when they receive.”

When I was young, I didn’t really care about Remembrance Day. “Why should I?” I thought, “It doesn’t make a difference to me.”

Dr. Ray’s right: gratitude doesn’t come naturally. It has to be taught. I learned gratitude by realizing that everything’s a gift from God. I don’t deserve so many things. And even the things I do deserve by human rights, for example, are still a gift, because so many don’t have them.

The word ‘Eucharist’ means ‘thanksgiving.’ We give thanks because we deserve nothing, and yet we’re given so much. And what’s the greatest gift? God Himself, the Eucharist. Nothing’s more precious, and tonight, as a reminder that we don’t deserve it, and we’re humble beggars before God, we’ll receive the Body and Blood, kneeling, and on the tongue.

Let’s ask ourselves two questions: 1) Do we “see life in terms of what we lack” or what we have? (Five Pillars of the Spiritual Life, 152). 2) Can we come to Mass every Sunday just to give thanks? Because so often we come to Mass looking to get something. So could we come to Mass simply to thank God? If so, great! If not, why? Considering all we are and all we have, and how much worse life is for so many other people, could we not be grateful enough to just come to give thanks?

I have to foster this attitude of gratitude. A person talked to me just before Mass about the weather. I decided I’ll never again complain about the weather. That’s because it could be worse, it’s actually not that bad, and what’s the point in complaining about it?

Instead of complaining, let’s be grateful for what we do have, and then act to change what should be improved.

Whenever I remember God’s blessings, I have a greater sense of wonder, appreciation, I’m happier, less tense, even my body is more relaxed, and I remember that I’m taken care of. “I never knew a grateful person who was unhappy” (Five Pillars of the Spiritual Life, 152). “I never knew a grateful person who was unhappy.”