Today, we’re beginning a three-part series on giving smartphones to our children when we ourselves actually think they’re too young, and we’re going to contemplate this famous painting of James Tissot, which depicts today’s Gospel, and in which Jesus teaches us that loving Him means loving children.

The goal of this series is to love Jesus more, and one way to do that is giving our children phones when we can be confident it won’t affect their mental health, social skills, sleep, or school work.

I should have said something about this years ago but it never occurred to me to preach on it.  Maybe being more proactive hasn’t occurred to you either.  Nevertheless, I’m responding to the fact that many parents have mentioned that this is a huge issue, and some young adults have admitted that they got smartphones when they were too young.  Now, before anyone starts to feel excessively guilty, when I was young, I would watch over four hours of TV a day—what were my parents thinking?  There was a lot of damage done, but the great news is that Jesus rescued me and my family.

Jesus wants our lives to be happier, with Him at the centre of our lives, with closer relationships, better sleep, and more joy in learning.  So, let’s meditate on His actions and teaching: “Jesus and his disciples went on from there and passed through Galilee.  He did not want anyone to know it; for he was teaching his disciples…” (Mk 9:30-31).  Unlike before, when Jesus was teaching crowds of people, He’s now giving intense training to the disciples, that is, those who have chosen to follow Him.  He’s going to give His most difficult teaching to those, like us, who trust Him.

“saying to them, ‘The Son of Man is to be betrayed into the hands of men, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again.’  But they did not understand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him” (9:31-32).  ‘Betrayed into the hands of men’ doesn’t mean Jesus is tricked, rather, He freely obeys God the Father’s plan; He proves His love for us with His sacrifice.  The disciples don’t understand this.  And we struggle to understand that true love requires sacrifice.  Jesus says, “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (Jn 15:13).

When it comes to giving smartphones to our children, we need to realize that this requires sacrifice.  The cultural momentum to give our children phones is overwhelming; and it’s getting younger and younger.  Next week, we’ll cover the statistics on its effects.  But, for now, let’s acknowledge that everyone agrees (liberal and conservative, religious and nonreligious): Smartphones for children lead to poorer mental health and social skills, and are spiritually harmful.

“…when he was in the house Jesus asked them, ‘What were you arguing about on the way?’  But they were silent, for on the way they had argued with one another who was the greatest.  Jesus sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, ‘Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all’” (9:33-35).  Let’s focus on their desire to be the greatest.  Years ago, I went to have my car repaired, and while waiting, I ran into a Catholic mother.  We talked, and she mentioned how she was worried about her children: They had become more withdrawn, more depressed, were talking back, and she couldn’t get them off their phones.  I asked, ‘Were they always like that?’  ‘No.’  ‘Have you thought about taking away their phones?’  ‘Great idea!  I’m going to do that when I get home!’  She didn’t say that.  She said, ‘But, everyone in their class has phones.  I don’t want them to be the only ones not to.’  Perhaps a deep reason we give our children phones even when we’re not comfortable with it is not because they need it for safety, to call us; it’s because we don’t want our children to be different—we’re afraid of being different.  This is connected to the disciples arguing about who’s the greatest.  We want our kids to be the greatest, but mistakenly they have to fit in.

Jesus then sits down, the position of a teacher in the ancient world, and doesn’t condemn our desire to be the greatest.  He designed us to want to be the best, but how do we get there?  “Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all.’’  For our kids to be first, they need to be, in a certain sense, the ‘last’ of the group.  If we want better sleep, we have to get off screens an hour before bed; if we want better relationships, we need less time on screens.

Think about it this way: Most people are average, right?  We’ve talked about this before.  Most parents are average, right?  Most kids are average.  Most priests are average.  Average is what most people are.  When we do what most people do, we’re average.  To be the greatest, not out of pride or arrogance, but to become the people Jesus created us to be, we take the narrow path.  In Canada, 50% of 7-11 year-olds have a smartphone; 87% of 12-17 year-olds have a smartphone.  Let’s pray about doing what’s different and what’s better.

I think it’s obvious that Fr. Richard is an above average priest, right?  Observe his life, and we’ll find that he prays way more, studies more, is more committed to sacrifice, thinks more seriously than most priests.  Do you know why?  Because that’s what I taught him.

“Then he took a little child and put it among them; and taking it in his arms, he said to them, ‘Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me’” (9:36-37).  To welcome a child in Jesus’ name means to “accept, lovingly serve, and care for” them because we love Jesus (Dr. Mary Healy, The Gospel of Mark in Catholic Commentary on Sacred Scripture, 186).  He deserves our best, and so the question of smartphones is not about what everyone else is doing.  It’s about what’s best, what Jesus wants.

It’s up to each parent to determine when is the right age to give each child a smartphone, but here are a few ideas:

1) All adults should examine the way we’re using our phones—are we good examples?

2) Is there anything we could do as a parish family to help each other?  E.g. Resist using phones after Mass and, instead, talk to other people?  When parents pick up children after school, perhaps once we finish essential messages, we don’t sit in the car using the phone but interact with other parents.  What about no phones during youth ministry or before Mass, unless it’s for prayer?

3) One truth for sure is that obedience to our parents on this issue is necessary.  We live in a culture where disrespect of parents is accepted, but this isn’t Jesus’ teaching.  When it comes to devices, parents’ commands should be followed.  Whatever our parents tell us with regard to our devices, that’s the rule, because parents have the authority to do so from God.

As much as I joke around about my parents’ letting me watch so much TV, I’m not happy about it.  Had I known that Jesus was calling me to be like Him, I wish I had slept more, read more, and played more sports.  I don’t blame my parents because they gave me a lot and we’re all sinners.  However; I wish that everyone would have a better childhood insofar as we can give that to them.

Next week, we’re going to take a simple survey.  For parents, we want to know what you think is best for your children and what we, as a parish family, can do to help.  For young people, we want to know what you think about cell phones and its effects.

And so we return to our painting by Tissot:

The goal is to love Jesus more by loving our children, and for children to love Jesus more by loving our parents.  What exactly does Jesus want us to do with regard to phones and our family?