The famous psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw talks about life decisions: It’s the kind of decision you make once and that’s it. Around the age of 23, he made a life decision no longer to drink alcohol because his father suffered from alcoholism. Because it was a life decision, he never had to wonder, ‘Everyone’s drinking tonight. Maybe I will.’ Let’s focus on life decisions in relation to our parents. One of my brothers, in his 20s, told me he worked multiple jobs because he made a decision never to be without a job. In our family, dad didn’t work for about ten years, and not for good reasons; he chose not to for poor reasons. So, Mom bore our financial pressures and didn’t feel supported.
In the Second Reading, St. Paul talks about the effects of Adam and Eve’s decision on their descendants, all of humanity: “Just as sin came into the world through one man, and death came through sin, so death spread to all people because all have sinned” (Rom 5:12). God created us because He loves us; Adam and Eve were His children! But they were tested: Would they trust their Father and His plan? Because of their freely chosen and grave decision, the first sin, they separated themselves from God the Father, and their relationship with each other, with the world, and the harmony within themselves were broken. They then experienced death, the separation of the body and soul.
St. Paul isn’t saying we’re all guilty of their sin, but that we’re affected by it. If parents waste their family’s money in gambling, the children aren’t guilty, but are affected.
One of the themes in the movie The Godfather is how Michael Corleone wants a different path from that of his father. When we first meet him, he’s dressed as a marine, is late for his sister’s wedding, dates a non-Italian, all of which distances him from his family. When he tells her about his father’s crimes, he says, ‘That’s my family, Kay, not me.’ But, as the story progresses and his father is shot, he allows himself to get sucked into that world. He then distances himself from his girlfriend and lies to her—she’s the symbol of a different family. Finally, he chooses to kill, and eventually becomes worse than his father. I’m not saying this is an edifying movie, but it portrays how there’s evil in a person who wants to be good. We’re born in a fallen state, affected by Adam and Eve’s sin, and affected by our parents’ sins.
Nevertheless, because of Jesus, there’s hope. St. Paul says, “Adam… is a type of the one who was to come” (5:14), meaning he’s a pattern, a foreshadowing of Jesus. Whenever God creates something and it falls, He doesn’t give up on it but redeems it. Instead of giving up on Adam and Eve, who are the first human family, God starts a new family from some of their descendants. To be part of this family isn’t a matter of blood but of faith and love.
“The free gift [of Jesus] is not like the trespass [of Adam]. For if the many [that is, humanity, spiritually] died through the one man’s trespass, much more surely have the grace of God and the free gift in the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, abounded for the many” (5:15). Jesus’ redemption is greater than sin, because it’s a greater love to heal something than to love something that never needed healing.
Fr. Larry Richards came from a very dysfunctional family and had a deep ‘father wound.’ His father suffered from alcoholism and lived the stressful life of a police officer. Early on, he left his family and started a new one. When he was dying at the age of 46, his new wife asked Larry to visit. The interaction was cold until his father pulled Larry in for a hug, and he, for the first time in his life, said, ‘Yeah, I love you too, Dad’ (Be a Man! 123).
Families are complex. His father had only said ‘I love you’ once. At the same time, Fr. Larry admits that he spent his whole life judging his father instead of loving him.
Early in Fr. Larry’s formation, while dealing with self-hatred, his spiritual director asked him to pray with Isaiah 43, where God says, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you… Because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you” (1,4). It took him a while to accept this truth; he would positively resist it. One time, during prayer, he imagined God the Father, Who looked at him and said, ‘Larry, you hurt Me when you do not allow Me to love you’ (39). Then he heard, ‘Larry, you are My son. In Jesus, you are My son.’ When he responded, ‘Yes, Father, I am Your son,’ the dams in his heart burst open. When his director heard about this prayer, she said, ‘Larry, your whole point in ministry will be to tell people who they are—that they are sons and daughters of the Father.’
God redeemed Fr. Larry, and he has helped thousands experience God’s redemption, including his mother. After many years of teaching people to tell their families that they love them, he realized that he had never done that with his own mother! So he made a life decision. One day, he said, ‘Okay, Mom, I love you. God bless you.’ Response? Nothing. It was discouraging. But he kept doing it for months: After every conversation he would say he loved her. After a year and a half, she finally said, ‘I love you too.’
In The Godfather, what’s the famous line of the mob boss, Don Corleone? ‘I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse’! That’s how it works in the mafia, but not with God our Father. He makes us an offer we can refuse. Becoming His adopted children, trusting and loving Him, must be done freely. God wants us to be part of His family, but we must want it too, with three things: have faith, practice repentance, and receive the Sacraments. Jesus made us the center of His life, and hopes we will make a life decision to place Him at the center of ours. This is great! We get to receive healing, make up for sins of the past, become better parents, and help other families experience redemption!
If ever we want to take small steps towards becoming part of God’s family, try Alpha if you’re exploring faith. If we want to deepen our relationship with Him, try Faith Studies or adoration.
On this Father’s Day, we consider the power of fatherhood. My father never felt affection from his parents, so he tried his best to show affection to us. He also gave me the freedom to follow Christ though he didn’t think I’d be happy. 20 years ago, I celebrated my first Mass of thanksgiving (). At the end, there is a custom () where the newly ordained gives his mother a linen cloth called the manutergium, which wipes away the holy oil after his hands are anointed. When she dies, she’s buried with it, the meaning being: ‘You gave me a son, and I helped give you a priest.’ To the father is given the purple stole when a priest hears confessions. My father was buried with it a year later. Praise God that a few years prior, thanks to Alpha, he came to believe that Jesus was real and that He was God. After that, he tried to improve his behaviour, humbling himself to take a job he didn’t want, which led to better jobs. When he visited my seminary in New York, for the first time, he told me he wanted to go to Confession.
God the Father’s grace is superabundant in Christ! He wants to redeem our families!